raise

stuck in here with nothing but
swirling whirlpool of thoughts
and the devil is calling
for my sins are but a few

the time i gave up on realized
my betrayal just in time
and the time is betraying
for my present is askew

days are darker and nights light
my eyes now bereft of shine
and the devil is calling
for its pupil new

not easy

it’s not as easy as it seems to be
for my lips are smiling
but not my broken heart

am i to suffer in perpetuity
for that one mistake one time
but what of all the good i did

to wander aimlessly waiting for you
for just one more night
but you seem to have moved on

it is not as it seems
for my eyes seem to sparkle
but not my dead soul

wonderful world

i feel lost all the time
scared; petrified of the world
for it stares; piercing stares
to make me look down

and on it goes with happy lives
glossy finish and leather covers
never to find a speck of dust
while i bite it again and again

why must i be in a constant battle
without even a chance to prove
when the world moves just fine
with mediocrity abound

i feel lost all the time
angry; enraged at the world
for it laughs; petty laughs
to make me hurt myself

bliss

so blinded by the popping colors
now blind to reality
a wish for truth can’t be granted
falsehood is the currency
and on we go, ignorance multiplied
averting truth left and right
all i care that my ego is satisfied
so what if i run away from a fight

beholden

i am being watched
through the annals of time
befitting, it seems
that i’m stuck in the present

for past has already
tarnished itself through me
and the future appears just
to tease before disappearing

i am beholden to time
enough to be imprisoned forever
and yet free to feel
my failures over and over

why, then?

we laugh we cry
we heave we sigh
when kids
carefree

a switch and
grown up litte shits
going precariously through
the motions of life

reality is much harsh
than our worst nightmares
for nightmares are courteous
enough to let you escape

but life, fucked up life
grabs you by the throat
flings you around until
handing over to sweet
death

Limbo

Limbo

I’ve been in a limbo half my life. Stuck at the same place I so desperately wanted to try for the first time. It looked out of my comfort zone. A nice challenge. And now, years have passed and it has become the ultimate comfort. all I want, all I need – is to be able to get out of this  comfort zone, and into a fiery pit that would make me run like never before.

All I keep thinking about is the various ways i can employ to achieve this goal. And somehow, nothing seems to work. Even if I start the whole thing afresh. I can’t understand why I am being tested in such a manner that all I can see is haze before my eyes and fear in my mind. Does it mean that I don’t have what it takes to get out of the pitiful position I’m in? Am I responsible for all of this? Whatever ‘this’ is…

I’ve had thoughts of giving up. But my mind just can’t do it. So weak! And that is why here I am, a fool, trying and trying to get somewhere. Waking up everyday thinking today will be different, and going to bed at night with just a replay of the past days, just like the days before, jut like the days before.