waiting for you

waiting

withdrawn from the world
alone for a long quest
inhibited and furled
thriving on my own zest
inundated as solitude hurled
never felt such unrest
geared for a life whirled
fear thumping neath chest
optimistic yet curled
rational, yet with unrest
yearning for love swirled
one day it will attest
until then, my world…

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no more

nah… i’ve endured enough for you
no more shall i come to your rescue
a toy to play with and then
shove it under the bed
discarded. disposed off
away from any living gaze

while you roam around with
someone else
catering to every whims of
this creature
and i endure…
pain… regret… loss.

only for you to come back with
tears to soak my shirt
and me to just be happy while
i cry… i shout… i tremble…
to blind eyes and deaf ears
no more

this, here is when
i let you go
this, here, is when
i take a stand
this, here, is when
i become free!

will it get better?

yesterday i was sleeping on a big bed, legs in leisure, paramount comfort. today, i can touch the opposite wall with absolutely no strain. i cannot stretch my legs. i can’t find any way to get comfortable.

to come to a new city and realize how people take advantage of people in need is not something i like. but, i can’t be too surprised. last time i was here, it had the same problems. the room was bigger though. more… roomier. this one cant be called a room. it’s a travesty that shouldn’t exist. i tried to adjust to it but it is fucking hard. placing a laptop on the bed that’s barely two feet wide and to try and rest… with my two bags that can’t fit anywhere, because there isn’t any place.

i am disappointed because this was supposed to help me study, get in the zone. how can i do that if the first problem that i need to solve is to be able to sit down quietly? i can hear others through the walls… people not more than five feet away from me. less than five hours and i am fed up. tired. and lost. i can’t get out for a month and this… this prison is all i got. such a different perspective, this. sad and lonely and miserable and in pain.

a call out of the blue

i miss my friends
scattered around every which way
i miss my friends

a song overheard
we used to sing together, out of tune
lyrically lazy

cheapest soda
only to get more and more, wasting time
how precious

riding a moped
sitting four with olympian skills
on a flat tyre

not lazy, now crazy busy
gulping pricey liquids alone
four seater, sits one