desperate

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the world around me
crumbling carelessly
and there i stand
on the edge of despair

who am i if all is lost
why am i the one still
here and now as it ends
lone, sad and mourning

should i feel guilty
of making it all the way
or should i rejoice
for i am still standing

maybe i should look closer
as the world still spins
and it’s me alone, gone
clinging to hope

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New Dawn

It’s always difficult to adjust to new surroundings. New people, new places, make it difficult to make sense of the most common things

Meeting new people gets intimidating, especially when the people are accomplished in their areas of expertise and know what the hell they are talking about. You look like a newbie trying to make sense of the world. Trying to get up on your feet. The world seems a whole lot different even when you know it’s not. My recent change and feelings could be attributed to exactly these things. Somehow, my brain seems to be churning out a whole lot of scenarios in a very small amount of time. Doubts, swirling my head. Hope, running through my heart. Fear, gripping my veins. It’s anxious and existing out there. 

So, here I am. Facing my fears. Amongst peers. Looking for a better life. Cheers. 

Changes

Change is common. So is the feeling everytime something changes dramatically. Some people revel in it. Others, not so much. Cautiously approaching the unknown, taking there own time to deal with the questions life has to offer at every turn. I might be in the latter group, trying desperately to get to a point where change won’t bother me. I’ve failed miserably so far. As much as I want to be completely fine with it, I seem to get a bit worried. Maybe it’s natural. Maybe it isn’t. Either way, it happens and I’ve to deal with it with a thumping heart. Every single time. I hope the changes that are about to happen are the kind that propels me into a position I want to be in. I know things will be tough, and there’ll be occasions when I’ll feel flummoxed. But I do hope I’ll have the strength to face them. I hope I’ll get to a position where I can revel these changes. I hope my thumping heart will be able to control itself. I hope these changes make my life better. I hope these changes improve my take on life. I hope. 

sunless

no wonder days look so blurred
i don’t remember what sun looks like
there’s no warmth through my window
just cold, distant wind
the skies replaced by dark clouds
seem to have made themselves home
and yet false hope facing flyward
is still waiting for sunshine

will it get better?

yesterday i was sleeping on a big bed, legs in leisure, paramount comfort. today, i can touch the opposite wall with absolutely no strain. i cannot stretch my legs. i can’t find any way to get comfortable.

to come to a new city and realize how people take advantage of people in need is not something i like. but, i can’t be too surprised. last time i was here, it had the same problems. the room was bigger though. more… roomier. this one cant be called a room. it’s a travesty that shouldn’t exist. i tried to adjust to it but it is fucking hard. placing a laptop on the bed that’s barely two feet wide and to try and rest… with my two bags that can’t fit anywhere, because there isn’t any place.

i am disappointed because this was supposed to help me study, get in the zone. how can i do that if the first problem that i need to solve is to be able to sit down quietly? i can hear others through the walls… people not more than five feet away from me. less than five hours and i am fed up. tired. and lost. i can’t get out for a month and this… this prison is all i got. such a different perspective, this. sad and lonely and miserable and in pain.

unpaved trail

the unknown path,
why is it calling me
everyone’s left the shore
why is it showing me the way

i breath because of you
i see the world
but the eyes are yours
i exist because of you

i am used to it now

i walk this lonely road
unending, unbending
i stop on this lonely road
unrepentant, unburdened

i am used to it now

this path, what do they want
they are immovable
these limbs, what do they want
they are unstoppable

i am used to it now