Sad Beginnings

Have you ever wondered the cravings one might have? Sudden, inescapable. To be consumed by that one thing to such an extreme you forget everything around you, including yourself. I am not talking about the kind of consumption that might be considered good for you. I don’t think “good for you” consumption exists.

I talk of the myriad habits one gets into with the best of intentions but dig themselves so deep that it becomes almost impossible to come out. Even when the realization strikes, it becomes clearer that it’s better to keep digging instead of quitting and just get out of the other side, for better or worse.

To get that one hit of the object of your affection seems to be the only goal you wake up for. every time you want to quit, you find it in your hands. Clutched tight. Walking home head down, full of shame. And yet you can’t bring yourself to turn back. To give it up. To throw it away. You hope desperately for someone to stop you. To talk to you. to get it away from you. But when you look around, you are all alone. The only solace you have is right in your hand. And you give in…

Every time you want to stop, the cycle repeats itself. Every time you find yourself alone, desperate, unable to control yourself. I don’t think these are happy endings. The way these things work, all they seem are sad beginnings.

I dream of it. I think of it. I aspire nothing more than to acquire it. I live for it. I pay for it.

 

I dream of it. I think of it…

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