Trying

Everyone has a voice. Mostly hidden under a mountain of ‘you are right’ and ‘ I agree with you’. Every now and again I will find mine. Only to be shocked with the rough, blunt and overall dull nature I never thought it had. Or I might be over analyzing it.

But whenever I come across an article so flawless, so deep and effortless in its structure, I am filled with newfound vigor and passion for my writing. Unfortunately for me, the child within me takes over every time something good is about to happen and messes it all up. It plays with my voice like a new bought shiny toy it never thought it wanted, plays with it for a couple of days and throws it in a dank corner of existence never to be picked back up again.

Somehow I have had my voice change over time depending on what I wrote. How I wrote. It gets more and more difficult to find that old voice that I so desperately crave. Where’s the humor? Where are all the jokes? Maybe I cannot make a joke because even if I did, I’d be too stupid to get it.

I guess I need to keep at it. Reading back whatever pile of garbage I poured over on the page above is proof enough. All I need is some inspiration… Great excuse to get cheap bus tickets and roam around the city witnessing random strangers quarreling over the seat. After all the guy threw in the kerchief onto the seat from the window. He got dibs!

Erratic Thoughts # 62

Just keep going. Making up for lost time. And every time asking yourself – what if… 

What if I paid attention to the constant motion of the clock? Would I still be here? Rambling nonsensical bullshit, shouting into the abyss? 

Erratic Thoughts # 60

I don’t think this dreamworld is helping me as much as I’d like. Reality, for all its problems is far helpful in shaping a person than dreams. Not that there is anything wrong with dreaming, but reality matters more. 

You can still wish you were Neo, though. That’s absolutely fine! 

Erratic Thoughts # 59

Confrontation is hard. You don’t want to come out looking like a jackass. However, you don’t want to let people walk all over you either. It’s important to speak up. But keep in mind that humility goes a long way. And humiliation is just going to find its way back to you if you use it on others for petty reasons.