Plight of failure

​What is happening to me? My enthusiasm is wearing off. My hope is flickering fast. I am not able to see a recourse that I can take now. I am in this domain for the long haul. But nothing seems to be happening. I am in the same position as I was 365 days ago. I seem to have wasted a year of my life pursuing absolutely nothing. Am I in the right hands? Or am I being played with? I don’t know how much I know about my domain. I don’t know how much I need to know about my domain. I have blindly given the reigns of my life into someone elses’ hands. And now those hands seem concerned about other things, forgetting me. And I have no clue where I should go. Everywhere I look, I see darkness. How could I be so naive? I should have taken control of my life ages ago. Instead I let someone do that. The depressed nature of my being is disheartening even to others now. I see pitiful eyes staring at me. Random voices giving me advise. I see judgement in the eyes of complete strangers. I am absolutely clueless right now. And this is making me more nervous. Retreating me into a shell. I can’t seem to focus. Because I don’t know where to focus. How can I redirect my energy somewhere if I don’t know where somewhere is? 

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