Temporary lapse

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It’s sometimes very difficult to control old habits. Addictions, trying to resurface after being stagnant for such a long time. How exactly do you control these hankerings? Do you lapse and give in to the desires or do you control yourself with all the will you can conjure?

It’s not easy. Especially when your mind can’t think of any other thing. No matter how hard you try. It’ll test you. And when you think you have it under control, it’ll bubble up and test you again. I despise how it plays with you. The desire to give in to the easy choice is hard to resist.

I’ve had some such desires for a couple days now. As with most of my problems, I find writing to be helpful to keep these desires in check. It worked last time. I know the writing is not very profound or worthy of anyone’s time. What’s with abrupt sentences and no structure. But this is just to be able to get that distraction.

I already feel it working. So getting it out there might give me a sense of responsibility to hold on to that will. Here’s to control.

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