The wait

You can’t predict the future. You can only hope for it to manifest in a way that is compatible with your ideas. That doesn’t always happen. One can almost never guess what the future will hold, nor can one keep harping on it.

I never thought I’d find myself in this position, at this place, in this particular moment when I was thinking about my place in this world a year ago. And yet, here I am. If it’s what you wanted, you feel a sense of happiness that is hard to convey in words. But, if you’re in a wildly different scenario, the heartache can be pretty devastating too. 

I seem to be on the latter side. Unfortunately, there is still a lot I’ll have to go through to get to a position that resembles what I’d imagined. Everyday, when I see people going 9n about their lives, I feel a tad bit jealous. I feel angry. Why didn’t I do the things I was supposed to do? I must be the one at fault. And I think I am. I am the one solely at fault. I know that. And yet, it hurts. It hurts more than I can imagine. 

The patience I want myself to hold on too seems to be slipping by fast. And I find every moment when I am not who I should be, I feel anxious. I just want a way out to a better life. And the best way seems to be to swallow in the pride and let life flow. I don’t agree with it… But what choice do I have? 

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